She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
