I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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