This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
