That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
