Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize