Someone shit on the floor
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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