i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
