i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
