i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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