Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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