is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
