32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
