Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
