i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
