i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
