that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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