she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
