Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
