Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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