If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
