I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there's paper in my vomit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
