My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
