why im i the only drunk person in the library?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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