i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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