apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
