I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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