i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
