i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
