4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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