I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
