Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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