i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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