i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
