If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
