peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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