You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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