my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
