Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
