i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
