I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
