I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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