I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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