definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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