You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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