I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
