He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
