you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
