I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
