you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
