Don't you send me to vm
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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