my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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