Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to make a zoo with you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
