I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
