matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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