I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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