Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
