doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
