he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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