Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
