Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
