i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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