This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
