Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
