hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
