I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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