I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
