The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
