I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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