Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
