His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
