I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
