I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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