hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
