A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
