she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
