Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
